Gorrrdon
Mars
So that's been three years now on Mars. The first year was the hardest; getting used to having my real head stapled onto a robotic body. How to feed just a head is another story, changing the oil on the body and fitting new batteries, I can do all by myself.I must say this robotic body is amazingly strong. I pulled a plough and furrowed two Martian fields by myself, no need for a tractor. This was under biodomes, which replicate the planet Earth's atmosphere. With gravity here only about half that of Earth and, of course, my bionic strength I can leap astounding heights and distances. In fact, I was told off for leaving dents inside one of the biodomes.
One of my most interesting ventures was to be part of a team travelling overland in a special vehicle, high up Mons Grapus, the super-Everest of Mars. We went there to right a 50-year-old Chinese lunar lander which had fallen on its ear upon landing. It was nuclear-powered and still working, but obviously not correctly. We were successful, and I lifted it easily. The higher you go on the mountain, the weaker the gravity. With the success of righting the Chinese lander, I jumped for joy. It was a bad idea. It took me nearly an hour to come down; I had almost launched myself into orbit! I won’t be repeating THAT any time soon! However, on the other hand, I did see some spectacular landscapes, and, as I may have mentioned before, I do like flying.
The success of righting that Chinese lander on Mars had the bosses giving high fives and deciding how clever THEY were back on Earth. No Mars missions for them. As no good deed goes unpunished, THEY thought what a brilliant idea it would be if THEY could scour Mars for redundant / expired or crashed probes from wherever and whoever had originally sent them. “THEY” of course, meant ME! So this human head bionic body was promoted to the exalted title of Scrap Collector! If possible, all and every one would be returned to the biodome earth atmosphere workshop for dismantling. Many, if not all, had platinum and gold-coated components. The recovery of such was for reuse on Mars - not to line someone’s bank account on Earth - so I was told!!
In the following months, I travelled far and wide in the Mars Rover, a 5-ton nuclear-powered tracked lorry. I brought back more than a dozen - many Russian ones with hammer and sickle logos, but only two with NASA. Some had expired at the end-of-battery life. Others, mostly in bits, rested in their own self-created shallow craters, which told its own story. More recently, and most interesting of all, was the discovery of the biggest lander I have ever seen. Unlike any other, it was found at the end of a half-mile shallow trench. It had come down, not vertically, but almost horizontally.
I did have an exploratory investigation of the huge machine and was able to get inside through a torn-off hatch cover. I could only spare thirty minutes as the oxygen supply to the suit was getting low. What I did find of interest was a kind of cargo bay with what looked like huge eggs. All were spaced out and standing on their ends. Unlike any egg I had ever seen, these appeared to be of dull leather. Probably due to my diminishing oxygen, I was not seeing clearly, but I would swear that these eggs appeared to be pulsing gently. I shall return soon and collect perhaps half a dozen of these eggs and return them to the biodome scientists, whom I feel sure will be delighted to open them.
I had no room on the lorry’s cargo area, as it was full of a British probe from the 70s, no logo on it, but I recognised it as such from the fact that most of the panels were the same as fitted on Hillman Imps and Morris 1,000s. This was a cheapo probe indeed, but what would you expect?
THE END
